it's been a while... LONG POST part 1

Life has been quite full of surprises this summer. Some good, some challenging, some hard, and some so sweet I still can't believe it! 

The unexpected miscarriage: 

Right before mother’s day we found out I was pregnant. I don’t usually get too sick and with everything under way with our new house we were excited and planning for the future.

I went in for my first appointment and I was about 8 weeks pregnant. Shaun was with me and I had confided in the RS president so she would watch my girls.

When we were sitting in the waiting room for hours I was just checking facebook, etc. and read an article my friend posted about miscarriages. Little did I know that it was preparing me for the unexpected. But all the while feeling a lot of peace.

We finally got back for the ultra sound and the technicians face said it all. It was only measuring about 6 weeks and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. When I met with the doctor she explained that things were not looking good, but that she wasn’t sure yet. My period before I got pregnant was longer and so that could’ve thrown off the dates. I continued to feel great peace through this time.

Anyway, after blood work (days later) and more blood work/ Appointment the following week It was confirmed that the baby had not grown any and my HCG levels were dropping. The ultra sound was showing abnormal things on my right side-possibly being a tubal pregnancy. So after discussing things with the doctor the best solution was a D&C and laparoscopy…the next day.

Well, living out here away from my family can be very hard. My mom was here the week prior and watched the girls during my appointment. She was home now and I wasn’t sure the best plan. We decided that Shaun would take the day off work, drop me off and then come pick me up after I was awake. He would spend the day with the girls.

Janie, the main secretary at the station, was planning on taking Thursday and Friday off for just a change of pace. She’s in her 50’s and has never been able to have children. She called the night before and asked the plan. While talking with her she insisted on driving me up and staying with me. I thought about it and although I don’t like putting people out I felt like that would be good.

Since I was a last minute add in on the surgery list they told me to come at 8 am and then they would fit me in. …well, I got registered, set up with an IV and bed at 10 am and didn’t go into surgery until 4:45 pm. It was quite the day. I was SO grateful to have Janie there. We have become friends from walking on the station. In the past whenever I brought up the church she kind of changed the subject. But while we were stuck in this room together I started asking her questions about the Baptist church. We ended up having a very long, open discussion about church, life, hard things, etc. It was really great!

The surgery went well. There was a cyst on my right tube which was causing the confusion in the ultrasound. The cyst was removed and everything looked good.

Physically it is nice to not be dealing with the pregnancy hormones. It took a little while to get back to normal. And emotionally it has been a journey. I went from mother’s day thinking I was pregnant to Father’s day just recovering from surgery.

A very sweet friend sent me a book called, “Gone Too Soon.” This book has provided some great support to me—support that I didn’t even know that I needed. At first I was trying to be very strong and focus on the logical reasons why it was a blessing that it was sooner than later, etc. I was feeling so much peace during such a big disappointment.

I kept telling myself this is just an expensive inconvenience and that it happens all the time. And by the way, who knew that having the procedure done would cost just as much as having a baby. Definitely just adding insult to injury.

But as I kept reading the book my barriers were able to come down and my perspective was changing. She says, “Now I can concentrate on the simple beauty of its life and the good that has come out of that experience.”

The other blessing was the love that people poured out to us. The RS president watched the girls for me for my appointment, people brought us food, and thoughtful messages were sent. 

During this same time I started watching the series, "call the midwife." When I saw it at the library I thought it would be interesting and could watch it while staining cabinets. Oddly enough this show was also very healing for me. It was a constant reminder of the miracle of life, Heavenly Father's love, and how time heals.  

It’s strange to think all this has really happened. It almost seems like a dream. But, with the Lord’s help we can do hard things! We can stand up and face the day with courage and a smile.

A week and a half after my surgery my sweet grandfather passed away. A few days later the girls and I were on an airplane headed to SLC. I will post about this adventure soon.

So June/July was a very interesting time for our family. Shaun has been working every extra minute he has on the house. We seem so close- yet so far away from finishing. We gave the station our 30 day notice though. We have to be out by August 17^th. We will not have everything done at that point but it will be done enough to be safe for the girls.

The future is bright and we are looking forward to what the Lord has in store for our family!